Understanding IFS: A Compassionate Approach to Anxiety

Anxiety is something most of us know all too well—it shows up as racing thoughts, physical tension, worry about the future, and sometimes a relentless inner critic. We often see anxiety as a nuisance, frustrating, or an enemy we need to get rid of.

But what if we could shift our perspective and relate to our anxiety in a new, more compassionate way?

That’s where Internal Family Systems (IFS) comes in—a therapeutic approach that invites us to understand and care for the different “parts” of ourselves, including anxiety, rather than trying to silence or fight them.

What is IFS aka Internal Family Systems?

Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a type of therapy developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. At its core, IFS is based on the idea that our minds are made up of multiple “parts”. You may notice that some of this language naturally shows up in your life, “part of me wants to meet up with my friend for dinner but part of me wants to just stay home”. As we get to know these parts we find that they hold their own perspectives, emotions, and roles. Think of your inner world like a family: you have parts that take on different roles to help you cope with life. Some parts may be playful or adventurous, others cautious or critical.

According to IFS, we all also have a core Self—a calm, compassionate, curious presence that can lead and care for our parts. The goal of IFS isn’t to get rid of any part, but to help them heal, and to allow the Self to guide our internal system with understanding and compassion.

Framing Anxiety as a “Part” of Our Internal World

In IFS, anxiety is not seen as a flaw or malfunction—it’s seen as a part of you that’s trying to help in its own way. This might sound strange at first—how could anxiety possibly be trying to help? But when we get curious, we often find that anxious parts are working overtime to protect us.

For example:

• Anxiety might be trying to prevent failure by constantly pointing out what could go wrong.
• It might be trying to keep us safe from emotional pain or overwhelm by avoiding risks or vulnerability.
• It could be responding to past experiences where we felt unsafe or unsupported, and now it’s doing everything it can to avoid a repeat.

In this light, anxiety isn’t the problem. It’s how we relate to our anxiety that makes all the difference.

Relating to Anxiety with Self-Compassion

Most of us respond to anxiety with frustration, shame, or even self-criticism. We might say things like “Why can’t I just calm down?” or “I hate feeling this way.” But this can actually increase distress and make anxious parts feel more isolated or extreme.

IFS encourages us to shift from shame to self-compassion. Instead of pushing anxiety away, we can practice turning towards it with curiosity and care. You might say something like:

• “Oh, hi there anxiety, you are quite loud”
• “I see that you’re feeling anxious—what are you trying to help me with right now?”
• “Thank you for working so hard to protect me. I’m here, and I want to understand what you need.”

When we approach anxiety with compassion, it often softens instead of getting louder and bigger. Just being heard and acknowledged can bring a sense of relief to anxious parts. And from there, we can work with those parts—not against them—to find new ways of coping that don’t involve constant worry or hypervigilance. Like any new practice, this may feel odd or uncomfortable at first, that’s okay! As we shift our approach from anger or frustration to neutral acknowledgement and then compassion we are taking small steps towards building a new relationship with our anxiety.

The Power of Befriending Anxiety

By recognizing anxiety as a well-meaning part of our internal system, and by responding with self-compassion instead of shame, we can create a more peaceful inner world. IFS gives us a framework to listen, understand, and heal, rather than resist or suppress.

So the next time anxiety shows up, instead of asking “How do I make this go away?”, try asking “What is this part trying to tell me?” and “Can I bring compassion to this moment?”

You might be surprised by how much changes when you simply stop fighting yourself.